Twenty Two years ago when Tantric sex was a curiosity to me and a calling for sexual healing, I like many was caught up in the pre-conceived, limited ideas of what I thought and had heard Tantric sex was.
Mind blowing sex that lasted a delicious prolonged length of time.
I very soon began to experience that this idea was small in comparison to what was actually happening to and for me.
Tantric sex is not a functional practice with a beginning and an end, with great in between.
To truly enter the vast experiences of Tantra, the key is letting go of our programming that sex is something we do, are in control of and therefore make happen.
Instead, we show up in a way that allows us to open and be vulnerable so we maybe moved by the happening of sex.
How sex moves and flowers within us and creates a symphony of sensations within our self and playfully dances with our lover.
A happening that endlessly opens us up into more … and what we are able to receive.
Our capacity to reach heightened and expansive experiences is not a decision made with the mind or ego but a receptive egoless readiness of the body.
What I mean by this, is that the possibilities of Tantric Sex organically unfold the more we get out of the way.
Force and trying to make happen, only keep us stuck in a place of control that cannot move and is not open.
The awareness begins on oneself.
If you pause for a moment and think of a tight lid container, with labels and instructions wound around the outside, this is how many are experiencing every day life and sex.
There is no space in that tight lid container for anything to move, to grow, to breathe. The labels and instructions are consistently informing and defining the contents as to what they are.
Tantra in all aspects of our life, asks that we be willing to surrender what keeps us contained, rigid and unconsciously loyal to the limitations of instructions and labels of who we have been told we are and how we are to be.
There is no freedom in closed and an abundance of felt freedom in open.
We therefore experience sex from our old thinking, the education of sex as a set of instructions to do, culture, religion, trauma, internal dialogue and where we are at in relationship to our own self and our bodies.
Our sex is contained.
As we meet what keeps our relationship with self, others and the world small and lacking in fulfilment, creativity and vibrancy, we recognise the limitations we have lived from and are able to consciously choose to surrender and trust in the unknown, new, present and alive.
Over the years as I have attuned in new ways to body and sex, deepening trust and working with what keeps me in fear as an opportunity to grow, rather than a space to stay stuck and less than … my experiences of Tantric Sex have moved me beyond words, definition, space, time…
And all that has bound me.
I have felt myself as everything and everywhere.
In blissful rapture.
In Ecstatic pulsation with life.
Yet none of it was from doing Tantric sex. None of it was control, expectation, goal and drive to make happen.
There is no possible way I could ever have made any of this happen.
Yes there are Tantric methods we can practice and explore but we cannot make it happen. The methods open the pathways to possibility.
It was and is always, attending to an “emptying” of that which resists an invitation to surrender all, and be the one that is moved.
What is Tantric sex?
Tantric Sex unites body, mind, heart and sex as a lived embodiment of our essence and our physicality, from which we expand into new ways of conscious being.
In my experience, Tantric sex is not great sex or prolonged sex although both are part of at a very base level, they are not all that is attainable or available.
Tantric sex unites, cleanses, creates and manifests through,
Expands beyond, flows, transcends.
Exhilarates, satisfies, Celebrates.
Meets all with love.
Is always fresh, alive, present, conscious.
Heart centred.
Egoless.
Universal.
One.
Love.
It is all that we hold the potential to mature into and simply be, when we allow ourselves to stop playing small and confined to the limits of the act of sex and the beliefs that keep it tamed just so.
A few steps towards experiencing Tantric Sex:
❤️ Sex and its abundant power, has space to move through us effortlessly as we attend to meeting that which resists, the parts of us we suppress as unlovable, and unworthy within ourselves or hide under shame. Can we meet, love and hold those parts?
❤️ Take time to review your beliefs about sex that may limit your experience. What beliefs are informed by religion, culture, poor education? What beliefs stem from fear, from past experiences or abuse?
What beliefs are nested in a sexual immaturity of self absorbed release or validation, rather than connection with self and other?
Are any beliefs defined by gender roles and who you must be to be loved and accepted?
❤️ Consciously create a new relationship with your body. A relationship of reverence, celebration and a rich trust with yourself to love, care for and nourish.
❤️ Consciously create a new relationship with touch that has no agenda or expectations. Do you only touch yourself to functionally wash or to masturbate? Can you touch your body just for the sweet simplicity of sensation?
❤️ Breathe. Can you breathe long, slow and deep into the soft round of your belly, the ground of your genitals?
❤️ Can you slow down and notice?
❤️ Can you be with the subtle and silent? When we look for or expect the loud and the explosions, we miss out on the flowering of the subtle.
❤️ Explore and be open to the concept of sex being more than a do-ing act between two people and more a rediscovery of who you are as a be-ing … and how you in turn meet, connect and create vast possibilities with another be-ing.
