We live in a world where we grasp for sustainability but juggled with the fast pace of life we can find this an elusive experience.

We want happiness, wealth, health and great sex to last and so we tend to cling tightly to those things from fear of losing them. 

Simultaneously many come from the mindset of wanting it all and now, the era of instant gratification, rather than the pleasure of working through a process and the invaluable learning that each of these individual steps bring. 

Any farmer will tell you that good crop, needs good land and sex is no different here. 

We have been taught to separate the act of sex from life, that sex has a time and place.

And so when we feel unfulfilled, dissatisfied or have lost our sexual desire, we intently focus on sex as the problem. Drawing upon different positions, toys, saucy underwear and out of the box experiences to juice it up a bit.

But what we don’t do is look our lifestyle. 

And so two things happen. The new gadgets and gizmos, the Karma Sutra, the tantra workshop all feel great for a while and then fizzle out. Beckoning us to the next thing…

Or with the intense pressure and focus to hurry up and fix the problem, sex scurries off altogether and we withdraw from our partner and our vibrant sexual self .

What do we need to keep great sex in our life? 

We need our lifestyle to be the ground.

What I mean by this is for all aspects of our lives to fuel, nourish and make space for sex to be present, not for it to be a separate activity kept for the bedroom and making babies.

Our sex is more than the momentary act and so desires more than those moments of activity.

Our whole self needs to fully show up to great sex. We can create this by ensuring all aspects of us feel loved, met, heard, seen and held and our environment and life feeds and creates great sex as sustainable

Great sex cannot survive while meanwhile in our everyday, we are in situations of burnout and stress, depression, grief, trauma, overwhelm, loss. 

It cannot thrive in relationships that lack trust, honesty, support, tenderness, laughter, play, emotional maturity.

It cannot ground where we cannot allow ourselves to be open to vulnerability or to surrender the masks we hide behind.

Great sex has no fire in a self depreciating, limited relationship with ourselves, how we think, feel about ourselves and our body .

It cannot be fresh and alive in a swamp of the past or anxiety and expectations of the future.

And it most certainly cannot ground in an unhealthy lifestyle of toxic choices and behaviour. 

How Can We Have Great sex?

Sex is a sustainable source in our life. It’s desire is sparked with how we feel in our body, in our relationships, in our environment, in our every day.

By nurturing these aspects of life, sex most naturally and deliciously comes out to play …

Simply because your life and how you live and breathe it, invites it to do so.

Your life creates the container for sex to feel curious, playful, spontaneous and alive.

• Take focus away from your sex “needing to be fixed” It does not need fixing, it is responding to a disturbance in your life.
• Take the focus away from sex being limited to the act and more about how you feel as a creative, sensual being.
• Reflect on your relationship with your body, how do you feel in your own skin, do you spend time celebrating your body or is your body language one of self criticism and judgement.
• Does touch shared or self touch always lead to sex or masturbation? Reflect on why?
• Reflect on your current lifestyle. Are you under stress? What can you do to allow time to rest, wind down? Are you experiencing grief? Illness? Loss?
• What do you need that is not being met?
• Reflect on your relationship. Do you feel heard? Supported? Cherished? Is there trust? Are there any unhealthy dynamics that are causing inbalance?
• What does sex mean for you? No one else. Just you.
• How do you want to feel in your body? How do you want to feel everyday?
• Do you have a creative outlet? What brings you joy? What lights you up?
• Can you allow pleasure in your life? Do you allow yourself to explore life through taste, touch, smell?
• What changes can you make that allow you to fully embrace your sexual energy into all aspects of your life?