Honouring your own sex may seem an odd suggestion.

But what if sex is like the oxygen mask we are guided to put on first before helping others.

What if without honouring our own relationship to sex, we are not fully experiencing what is so naturally available to us?

Honouring your own sex is not an invitation to immerse yourself into masturbation. It is an invitation to return. To listen. To meet sexual energy as a subtle life force that is uniquely yours.

What does “honouring your own sex” mean?

Honouring your own sex is a possibility to:

❤️ Know yourself more deeply

❤️ Care for yourself with a quality of love that knows no conditions

❤️ Respect yourself with boundaries that require no assertiveness, for they come from a self-assured strength

❤️ Expand far beyond the limitations that keep you small and breathe effortlessly into more

We have become so dependent on a partner to fulfil what we ourselves are disconnected from, that our lovers do not stand a chance of meeting that need.

Sex is not only an act

We have become so rigid in the education that sex is an act.

And in that rigidity, we lose something vital.

There is so much conditioning, shaming and performance expectation weighing sex down and placing pressure upon us, that the vibrancy and source of aliveness only available through our sexual energy dims and fades.

Honouring your own sex asks you to come home to yourself.

Coming home to yourself

To reclaim the safety and ease of your own flesh and bones.

To release shame that creates fear of intimacy and pleasure.

To feel and explore for yourself the subtle energy of sex as sacred life force that is uniquely yours.

To know how this energy pulses and moves through you. Inspires. Desires to dance, play, create, explore.

How it fills us up, like nothing else naturally available to us, with a potent vibrancy that celebrates the individuality of each body and the life it breathes.

In the pause to feel sex as energy, devotion arises. Dissolving all that we have individually and collectively attached to an energy so free that, by limiting it, we have clipped the wings of our own potential.

How to honour your sex as a daily exploration (3 steps)

I write the word daily because it is one we can relate to. An understanding that asks us to show up regularly and with commitment to get to where we want to be.

And yet, I would like to suggest the word practice is dropped and replaced with exploration.

I wish for you to feel inspired to explore your sex. Be playful. Sincere but not serious. To let go of goal. And most importantly, to let go of what you think you know.

Approach your sexual energy with curiosity. A willingness to be opened and taught by the life force that wishes to express and move you.

Step one

Bring awareness to the inner story.

Notice the internal language you speak to yourself about sex. Not being harsh on yourself, but being loving, open and curious.

Care for yourself as you would a loved one.

Make space for shame, disgust, performance pressure to come forward and be met.

Step two

Spend time simply caressing the whole of your body, letting go of any intentions to masturbate.

This teaches your nervous system and body that arousal and pleasure can be present without having to act upon it.

This allowing enables the body to begin opening the pathways that move sexual energy from restriction of the groin and the act of sex, to the whole body.

Step three

Once you feel at ease being sensual with your body without reaching for masturbation, begin to explore how your breath moves in your belly while simmering in this glowing state.

Be curious with soft, slow, deep breath.

Notice how the breath moves your body and shifts your energy.

Allowing ourselves to attune to the subtle energy of sex, we are placed into a beautiful space where our life force becomes free, pure and playful.

We have a greater trust in ourselves because we are listening to that energy as sacred. No longer suppressing, denying, shaming, performing, hungry for… or limited to the singular experience of the act.

We have the freedom of choice in the ownership of our sex.

FAQ

Is honouring your own sex the same as masturbation?

No. It is an exploration of relationship, presence and attunement. There may be seasons where self-pleasure is part of that exploration, but it is not the destination.

What if shame or discomfort comes up?

Let it come. Meet it with softness. Step one is not a hurdle to “get through”. It is the doorway.

Can I do this if I’m in a relationship?

Yes. In fact, honouring your own sex softens the dependency placed on partnership. It creates more choice, more honesty, and more space for true intimacy.

You may also enjoy reading The Journey of Tantric Sex.