Holding the breath during sex is a common experience that has a multitude of possible reasons as to why.
The key is to explore what lies beneath and has become an habitual pattern of breathing, to have a great understanding and compassion towards self, rather than trying hard to change the breath or fix the situation, as this will only add to the contraction of tension in our body rather than offering ease and space.
The reasons why breath is held during sex is individual to each of us and once realised and understood, can offer us the opportunity to grow and experience greater intimacy and connection with self and others.
Reasons why the breath is held during sex.
We may hold our breath so as not to make a sound.
Our exhale naturally makes sound as it leaves our body and lips and we naturally make sound in moments of feeling pleasure .
The holding of breath can stem from an experience in childhood or teenage years, when we were shamed for self pleasure or believed ourselves to be bad. To keep the curiosities of our body hidden and secret, we would have learnt to control our breath and it’s natural sounds.
Holding our breath during sex, maybe to maintain control over the sensation of orgasm.
This may be due to feeling overwhelmed by the sensations and not feeling safe to lose oneself.
It may be a way of holding onto the bodies tensions and story that keeps our sexual relationships and experiences of intimacy limited to what we know and feel in control of.
One of these may be about performance or being a good girl.
Sensation may also be felt as a potential threat.
We hold our breath to keep us away from our genitals and the sensations stimulated. This is particularly true when there has been past experiences of sexual abuse.
Ways to relax and breathe during sex.
It is essential not to make oneself wrong.
This only gives the idea that there is something we have to fix about our self or our body. This approach only causes more tension and contraction in the body.
The approach needs to be from self kindness, and respect and care of our body. It is also helpful to come from a place of being curious and playful with the breath. Exploring what happens when we breathe like….. and then breathe like….
The breath can only be altered in the moment of holding with self-awareness.
I feel it is a softer experience if we explore our connection to our breath, body and sensations away from the act of sex.
So our breath can find a rhythm and flow as part of our every day and in that begin to ease in the sensations created by the inhale and the exhale .
Noticing when we hold our breath, what is going on for us. Is there a feeling or mental chatter coming up and getting in the way?
Can we choose new by returning to the connection with self, belly and breath.
We can then apply our new experiences of breath into our sexual interactions, establishing connection, presence and pleasure with a partner, which will move us integrated moments of intimacy, love and bliss .
