Orgasms are a much spoken topic in today’s world.
We can flick through magazines and find “DO this to your partner and give him/her amazing orgasms”
But orgasms are not a method.
It is not a case of trying or doing new Sex positions or styles of foreplay to get a result. To achieve.
This method approach to orgasms, creates a thinking that orgasms are external … that they are something to get to … and that they are achieved by something we do or is done to us.
Our orgasmic nature is internal.
This means that it is not something unobtainable,
And not a case of sex technique…
But something we can remember … tap into and “allow” ourselves to once again most naturally feel.
As we surrender into our internal experience, it moves with absolute grace and deliciously flowers from within the body and out into the world.
Orgasms can be difficult to experience if we feel it is something we have to get to. A goal we are aiming towards.
We are not in the presence of our sexual interaction, we are not riding the waves of our breath, of sensation, of pleasure that is happening within our body …
We are attending to instead – a goal.
A man may be heading us towards orgasm … for whatever that reason may be for him, to prove himself as a “wonderful lover” or to ensure we are having an incredible satisfying time. He is moving us with his rhythm, rather than the sharing being a dance.
But it’s like when someone is driving behind us and wanting us to drive faster … we can feel the force, the goal, the pressure.
And this means we cannot relax, we cannot surrender and our experience cannot unfold.
Or as a women we may feel that if we don’t come to orgasm we have let our partner down or that our experience lacked satisfaction.
Not being in the feeling, melting into the sensation of sex … orgasm moves further and further away.
When we try too hard, there is tension in our breath and in our body. In this tension there is no room for the experience to expand and the body is moving away from surrender not towards.
Method does not help us. In Tantra for example, a method is a doorway to create an embodied experience.
And then we drop the method.
The experience is internal, that flowers from within the body and out into the world.
The methods in magazines are external, they are around action, doing to get to. They still can make us feel dis empowered, and that orgasms are not a natural state for us.
They create a thought that orgasm is something done or that happens to us … and therefore the responsibility of another and the result of action.
Chasing the big O is not going to bring us the big O.
What we require is presence. Being in the here and now … in this breath, in this touch, in this kiss, in this sensation.
Sensation … what can we feel? Warm, cool, tingling … an expansiveness. A melting.
Breath ... when we are in our breath we are present. Our body can ease and surrender. And our breath can carry us, move us into new sensations, new experiences.
There is no need for speed, get to, trying, goal mind set … this is DO-Ing Sex, action, this is not allowing sex to be … being in Sex for ourselves and sharing that taste with another.
Chasing the big O and attending to methods is not going to bring us the orgasmic experiences we desire, that we seek and that we search for.