This beautiful couple have kindly agreed to create a diary of their Tantric Journey with me for you all to read. I hope through this sharing, that as they grow and unfold, you will understand Tantric Therapy in all its multi faceted ways of weaving into our lives and drop the idea that tantra is “all about sex” that sadly most of us in western society allow to blind us from the true gifts that Tantra brings.
I also hope in this sharing you will recognise the fears that we all often have, that hold us back from being close to another, being “seen”, being truly known, being loved, being touched ~ and being open, honest and intimate … and how the healing beauty of tantra simply dissolves these barriers that we hide behind away.
Why did I so strongly feel the need to explore tantra with Dave? Because I simply have a knowing that it will transform us – not just as individuals but as a couple. My connection with him is unexpected and searingly honest. I’ve been quite guarded for a long time and my personal tantric journey is making me face all my past relationship ‘demons’,
Dave and I mirror these demons in so many ways. We have to heal them. It almost feels imperative to do so, so we can be together long term. There is no other option. And that sweet promise is pulling me forward.
After a couple of meltdowns in the past week (which feels oh soooo much longer), Michelle thought it wise to get us started on doing our couple’s sessions earlier than planned. We are continuing to do individual sessions but now get to start on our journey together too. Yay!
Before our first couple session, I was feeling fine and really looking forward to it. No nerves at all. We entered Michelle’s treatment room and already, the Pavlov’s dog reaction of the beautiful space she has created gave me a feeling of peace. I also felt excited.
Today’s session was a beautiful meditation and breathing exercise guided by Michelle. At first I was mentally groaning at my tight hips struggling with sitting cross legged but focusing on the candle flame and listening to Michelle’s soothing voice soon helped me let go and relax. I’ve done meditations before using flame, so was able to slip quite quickly into the ‘zone’.
Part of the sequence was eye gazing with Dave. This is actually something we do quite frequently but this time it was different. We were further apart and that made it easier to fall ‘into’ him. I had words pop up for me which I shared afterwards and his eyes appeared to change colour – getting darker and lighter. I felt my love for him emanating from me.
I could feel my energy building during the mirroring breathing exercise. It felt a bit clunky at first, probably because we were both thinking too hard about what we were doing and apparently I was leading, rather than working with him, so this will hopefully feel more natural and flow much better as we work together more.
I’m really looking forward to doing this again for homework during the week. I felt so happy afterwards and so close to him. A beautiful experience.
I started this exploration of tantra as a result of being in my new relationship with Claire. I recognised being with her I have some healing from the past that I need to address. To start with I thought it would be good to do it independently of Claire and had my introduction tantric session with Michelle but on reflection I decided I would rather involve her at the beginning, so in addition, we are having couples sessions together.
Before our first couple session, I was feeling relaxed about the tantra aspect of what was to come and knew it would be a very loving environment. I had no expectations and was looking forward to whatever happened.
I felt the meditation exercise Claire and I did together, was a lovely introduction. The focus on the flame reminded me of something I’d lost; the feeling of the elements, and I felt a renewed awareness.
What I didn’t expect, was that the strongest part of our time together was when I was gazing into Claire’s eyes and it made me see beyond her, beyond the changing energy behind her eyes and it was almost like being presented with a time frame – seeing her past and future. As if she was getting younger and older. It was almost ghost like. Her energy was almost supernatural.
The rest of the meditation was a nice ritual. Who knows what repeating this exercise (as homework!) will bring.
For other reasons I was tense and not myself beforehand. Afterwards I felt much more at peace and it actually brought a tear to my eye.
How has tantra changed our relationship so far?
Already, tantra has changed me in such a short time and as a result our communication is improving – it has to haha! Things have gotten very intense in a very short space of time and I’m amazed that I’m allowing myself to open up and feel Dave’s love – to trust him. That is a very big fucking deal for me.
Starting our couple’s journey I almost feel like a naive virgin – ok, maybe that’s a huge stretch of the imagination and a better way of saying it is that I feel like I have to chuck out everything I’ve ever learned about relationships. This is something fresh and new. On a whole other level.
I feel so damn lucky to have met Dave. That he is open and willing to explore not only himself but grow with me on this journey of relationship.
Since we started, it has cemented the bond between us. It hasn’t been a straightforward process but I think it has taken our relationship to a new dimension, there is more depth of feeling. It’s been very intense and tumultuous, caused tension in me and sleepless nights but the result is I know with certainty that I really want my future to be with Claire.
Tantra is a really useful way to get closer to her. I’ve not come into this thinking it’s a magic bullet, I have no idea what will happen. The healing that I need is, as Marvin Gaye would put it; sexual healing. And from what I’ve read about tantra, it incorporates the energy and essence of sexuality and sensuality. With those elements in mind I want to see what it can do for me.
Doing this with Claire, I hope the outcome will be deep love and with that, total sexual confidence and relaxation.