The language of touch is silent.

It is sacred.

It is the first language we experience and understand as newborn babies.

The touch we experience informs us if we are safe, if we are cared for, if we are loved.

We can feel if the one holding us is calm, anxious, fearful, loving, present and available, or absent. 

Through touch we feel met, connected to, silently known.

As we grow from babies to children, verbal language begins. We are still attuned to the senses of touch, smells and sounds that inform us of the people around us and the safety of our environment. But we also understand and attempt to form words. 

As we become adults, the mechanics of the world we have created, cause our head to take priority over our body as the informer. 

We become overly dependent and primarily attuned to words and thought. 

Yet quietly, quietly underneath the noise. We are still unconsciously aware of the language of touch. It’s quality of safety, love, reassurance, and the presence within it.

And therefore no matter what a lover, a friend, a caregiver, a therapist says, if the touch we are receiving is not in alignment with safety, love and presence, our body knows.

We are receiving mixed messages.

An example of this is one I hear often, when one partner will say to me, whenever they touch me, they just want sex.

And the other’s reaction will be, I do not.  

Yet that is not the partners felt experience, no matter what is being voiced. And so as one reaches out to touch, the other closes and withdraws.

The language of touch speaks no words, yet speaks many. It is an extension and an expression of our own internal world reaching out, relating to and meeting another. When present in our heart, our hands are an expression of that love. When stuck in our head, our touch lacks presence.

For some of us, it is still our first language, for others who primarily live from their head, this may feel challenging to them.

To be able to meet others and our lovers, in presence and love, I believe we do need to remember and re-embrace the sacred language of touch.

Ways to bring presence and love to touch.

❤️ Slow down and be in your breath and your body before touch.

❤️ If you do not feel available and present to touch, then do not. Please have the courage to say, I cannot be present for you right now but I will come back to you as soon as I can.

❤️ Allow time for simply touch. The end. Touch does not mean sex.

If you would love to learn how to enhance your relationship with your partner through the art of loving touch, please follow this link.